Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Let's get the cat blown out
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize