Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize