Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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