dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have already put on my inside pants.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
