There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
