So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Can you bring me the toilet please
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
