I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
