tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
