We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
