you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
