Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
