i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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