youre lurking in front of me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize