its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
