Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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