This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
