Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think my vagina is haunted
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
