he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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