ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
