If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize