this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
