I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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