I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
