Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
