Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
