But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
