sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
