There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize