how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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