Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish I only lived at night.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
