Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
