you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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