I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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