Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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