My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
