she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
