It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
