I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
