Non-Jews are for practice
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
