Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize