She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I love having hate sex.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
