At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
