we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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