Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Sober January is a disaster.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
