I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
