You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
