I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
