we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
