how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
