I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
