I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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