My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Shame is for Republicans.
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