So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
