Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
