I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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