u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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