So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
