we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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