I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
