do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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