I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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