you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
