On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
