Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
