I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
