i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize