i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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