At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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