My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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