the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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